How did I find my place in the world? You’d think at 40 years old, I’d know where I belonged, right? Wrong. Painful years of procrastinating, job-hopping, and even therapy couldn’t help me find my true calling or who I really am as a person. I took every personality test, read every book to discover my “type”, and was even about to shell out hard-earned cash for a professional to tell me what I should be doing. The theme of my adult life could be summed up in one word: Lost.
But guess what? All those tests and books were only tools to guide me in the right direction. I was the one who had to do the so-called “real work” of finding myself and where I fit. Turns out, it wasn’t actually work. All I had to do was relax, take a step back, and look in the mirror. And by mirror, I mean look at who I already am and how I can capitalize on it to make a living. What do I do every day that brings me joy? What do people ask me questions about? What switches my brain to the “on” position and makes me want to learn more?
Okay, I lied about this not being real work. The hard part is overcoming the fear to do what you love. As someone who’s always been her own worst critic, the fear in me was very much alive. It whispered, “You can’t do this. You don’t know enough. You can’t make any money doing this. You will fail.” But I looked fear in the face and said, “The only way I’ll fail is if I don’t do it.” Failure is staying in the same lifeless, soul-crushing job year after year when you know you need and deserve more. Failure is not having the courage to acknowledge your strengths and use them to their full potential.
If you’ve never read the simple yet powerful Holstee Manifesto, I encourage you to do so. One phrase rings especially true to me now, and that is “Getting lost will help you find yourself.” For years I felt tortured by the overwhelming feeling that I was lost in the world, but I didn’t realize that I needed to be lost. It helped me find all the things I didn’t want to do or be, and go towards the life I want to live and the person I want to be.
Uptown Girl 